100 Changemakers for 100 days of BFRB Awareness
I was born with my thumb in my mouth. No joke, my thumbs were both spotted with a red bruise from me gnawing on them in utero. I was a thumb sucker without regard for where I was for YEARS. On the plus side, I never needed a pacifier. I went to a small school in 1st and 2nd grade, and even there, I would pop a thumb into my mouth, no questions asked. This was frowned upon, and I was admonished for doing so. This led to less thumb-sucking and more nail-biting, but that was only in school. Outside of school, my thumbs were always parked in my mouth.
By the time I turned ten, my parents were out of tricks to try to help me. They tried bitter nail polish, hot sauce, and slapping my hands, and I'm sure I'd forgotten others. At almost 10, I was being bribed by my grandmother. I could get a pair of earrings I would drool over if I stopped sucking my thumb. I did it. Ok, not that easy. I was taken to the dentist and had a metal implant put into my mouth to keep my thumbs out. It was uncomfortable, made me talk with a wicked lisp, and made communicating with my teachers and others difficult. It was embarrassing, and telling people why I had this mechanism was even more uncomfortable. I wore the device for roughly a year, and when it was removed, I didn't suck my thumb. I did, however, bite the crap out of my fingernails, and I have ever since. I still have bloody stumps at the end of my fingers on occasion. I use tools now to help curb this habit, like Calm Strips by scratching at them. I am busying my hands and can't bite them. I've researched what undernails are, and they are gross.
While that helps, I don’t even think about that when I bite my nails; it just happens. I will paint my nails in bright colors to have a visual reminder. If they are painted, I can’t stand having them chipped or scratched, so biting them is out of the question, right? You'd think so, but even then, I sometimes sit down to watch a movie or relax, and life catches up to me, and I find comfort in biting my nails. Is it a vicious cycle? Yes. Do I know this? Yes. Does that change how I deal? Not always.
This is the reality of having a BFRB. If my habits were not attached to the end of my hands, I would have to work a heck of a lot harder to find them, and the truth is, that's okay. I have found many tools and tricks to help me with these habits, and I am able to talk to others who also have these habits. They do not make me less of a person or someone who lacks control.
Support BFRB Changemakers
BFRB Changemakers supports BFRB healing through community. Our mission is 3-fold:
- raise awareness of debilitating conditions of Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs) such as compulsive hair pulling (trichtotillomania), nail biting (onychophagia), and skin picking (dermatillomania),
- increase and improve access to care, and
- advance community recovery.
Through the BFRB Changemakers Training Academy we strive to increase access to care by offering Continuing Education training to new and seasoned mental health treatment professionals.
BFRB Changemakers is a 501c3 non-profit (EIN #93-1544492). Please make a donation to support these efforts!
