100 Changemakers for 100 days of BFRB Awareness
There was a before, and an after, from when all the restlessness in my hands erupted in sores on my face and when I found boxing and had a place to sublimate my rage.
It didn’t happen all at once, the transition from picking to punching. There was overlap between the two and there are still to this day spots I pick at and name with their related stressors: COVID 19. Fight with a friend. The feeling of embarrassment.
It’s a matter of degree, of violence, of impact and a torturous cycle lessening, loosening. I learned to accept that I had internalized my exposure to patrilineal rage. I had the experience of being trapped, in my house, in my unbearably uncomfortable skin, and, later in life, in patterns of fiery and passionate relationships that rubbed up against all the scabs still aching on me.
When someone tells me skin-picking and self-harm are unrelated I tell them that the first time I turned my face completely red with each pore expelled was when I was enraged and rather than attack another person, I locked myself in the bathroom until I was done. I think of self-harm as a continuum. I am now located on the mirror opposite continuum, self-love. I accept my rage. I release it. I let it tell its story.
Sublimation comes in the reverberations in my hand when I land a good straight right. My resilience emerging as a lighthouse. My arms flying with my left hand too low, walking through punches like a zombie who just needed to land hers no matter what punches she ate to get there.
My ring name was White Lightning, in my new gym they call me Flash and I am an assistant coach. I don’t hit people and I don’t get hit and I like it better that way now. I did what I needed to do in the ring. I am mainly a therapist and I help people put into words whatever feelings they may have struggled to express and release. Punching is only one way, speaking our minds is another. Asserting our needs. For me, this means finding my voice and advocating for causes close to my heart. Turning helplessness into action. Finding my own kind of warrior to embody. Touching my skin with love and respect.
About the author
Stacy K. Nakell is a licensed clinical social worker and certified group psychotherapist with a private practice in Austin, TX. She has more than 20 years experience working with pre-teens, teens and adults struggling with body-focused repetitive behavior disorders. She is a pioneer in the field, publishing a book about the theory and practice of a psychodynamic approach to treatment for these disorders. She is an assistant coach for the competition team at Austin Women’s Boxing Club (www.austinwomensboxingclub.com). Information about her practice and ongoing training groups for therapists is on her website at stacynakell.com. You can find her book Treatment for Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors: An Integrative Psychodynamic Approach here: https://www.amazon.com/Treatment-Body-Focused-Repetitive-Behaviors-Routledge/dp/1032284889
Support BFRB Changemakers
BFRB Changemakers supports BFRB healing through community. Our mission is 3-fold:
- raise awareness of debilitating conditions of Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs) such as compulsive hair pulling (trichtotillomania), nail biting (onychophagia), and skin picking (dermatillomania),
- increase and improve access to care, and
- advance community recovery.
Through the BFRB Changemakers Training Academy we strive to increase access to care by offering Continuing Education training to new and seasoned mental health treatment professionals.
BFRB Changemakers is a 501c3 non-profit (EIN #93-1544492). Please make a donation to support these efforts!
