100 Changemakers for 100 days of BFRB Awareness
My eyebrows have long been the bane of my existence. I have gone deep in obsession about their evenness and symmetry of my eyebrows, staring at the mirror for hours comparing. In high school, I used to use a small comb to brush them, getting stuck in the bathroom at school trying to make them match and lie perfectly. Then at home, I would pluck any stray or very coarse hairs, sometimes plucking too much, which led to more staring and comparing and more plucking. Around and around we go.
I also used to have this habit of rubbing my eyebrows with my fingers, especially when studying or reading, or doing some otherwise mentally occupying task. I wouldn’t even realize I was pulling out my hair, unless someone pointed it out. I think it was a self-soothing behavior, sort of like stimming, but it also tied into the obsessions because it further “messed up” my eyebrows and made quite a bit of hair fall out. It was like there were magnets between my fingers and my eyebrows, pulling them towards each other. I tried several strategies to build awareness and reduce trichotillomania tendencies, such as pointing band aids on my fingers or holding fidgets instead, but none worked all that way.
Yet, I didn’t realize or even contextualize that I had a BFRB for a long time. I viewed everything through the OCD umbrella, my primary diagnosis. And while OCD can describe many of the thoughts and symptoms I was having, I realized later it truly was a BFRB. Though not exactly trichotillomania, it was definitely adjacent. It wasn’t until I treated my depression with medication, and the eyebrow fixing and rubbing both significantly decreased as unintentional but positive results, that I even realized how much I had been doing these activities.
In 2017, I started a project, now an incorporated nonprofit, called Not Alone Notes. The intention was to mail free, handwritten notes of encouragement to others with OCD. I have long loved writing letters and snail mail, so I wanted to use that format to reach others with OCD who might feel alone. There is something so special about holding a physical note, as a reminder that someone out there is thinking of you.
As we’ve expanded, including building a team of note writers and mailing over 3,000 notes, we’ve also broadened to writing notes for other disorders related to OCD, including BFRB’s. On the form to request a note, individuals can specify whether they want the message more geared towards OCD, BFRB, both, or a general message.
Writing these notes, and spreading love, hope, and art, is incredibly fulfilling. It’s both a way to give back to the community and to continue building community. OCD and BFRBs once made me feel incredibly alone. I don’t feel that way anymore, thanks to wonderful friends and nonprofits like BFRB Changemakers, so I want to help create that space for others. There are so many people who understand what you are going through. We just have to find each other.
