100 Changemakers for 100 days of BFRB Awareness
My name is Chamodha, I am a BFRB advocate. I started pulling my hair when I was 15. I'm 25 now. Back then, I had no idea what it was and why I was doing it and I did my best to hide it from everyone around me. At first, I resorted to methods like different hairstyles and applying mascara/eyeliner on the bald spots, but I could only hold on to concealing it for a while. When the bald spots became too visible, I shaved my hair off and used a wig.
I found a support group/community on Facebook which I'm still grateful for, everyone was so kind and helpful, I finally felt like I was not alone. I was bullied throughout school and had traumatic events when my peers tried to take my wig off. I was in extreme shame and guilt and fear of not being understood. As a south Asian (Sri Lankan), there was much lack of awareness and education regarding mental health and a lot of stigma around it and I really wanted to change that.
I was professionally diagnosed when I was 21 and I started taking fluoxetine, which only helped for a while. It was after this I came on social media and started to speak about trichotillomania. There was so much unawareness and I was supported so much and I realized then my voice needed to get out there! Until today I have gone through 5 wigs and to stop or manage my pulling, I have tried many methods. Some are; wetting my hair, plasters on my fingers, wearing a scarf or wig on my head and also growing my nails! I have never for once been "pull free" and personally this method is not for me because I don't believe in forceful suppression of my behaviors. Rather, I want to understand my triggers and be able to recognize when I show them and manage them accordingly.
One thing I have learnt through my trichotillomania journey is that, if you're gonna live with this, you cannot attach your self worth to this disorder. Sure, this is one part of you, but it does not define all of you. You have to meet yourself with the same empathy and love you show to others. My hope/goal is that every child/teenager/adult knows that this disorder does not make them any less lovable. I still am not able to stop my pulling and I still have relapses, but I believe recovery is a process and it can be started at any stage/point in your life and start as many times as you want and I will continue to the best of my ability to raise awareness and be a pillar for the BFRB community.
